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| John's Bar: "Nothing changes too much." |
One evening at work years ago, a guy got a call from his very pregnant wife. She was hungry and wanted a burger. She wanted it cooked medium with only this and that on it. And she wanted it from a certain bar, not the one he intended to visit after work.
After hearing anger on the line, he changed plans. Sadly, the burger was cold by the time it got home (She recalls it arriving about six hours after she called, but they disagree on that minor detail) -- leading to renewed anger. Sometimes a guy can’t win.
And a few hours later, she went into labor -- showing the true power of a good bar hamburger.
At John’s Bar, on Tuscola Road amid farms a short drive south of town, the burgers are surprisingly good though a bit small. So it might take two to induce childbirth. Regardless the outcome, you’ll at least end up with two good burgers.
John’s is a classic family-run business, dating to the end of Prohibition, according to a history posted on a wall (though a grocery and “soft drink permit” predated that). The original building sat closer to the road out front, says Kellie Brown, granddaughter of founders John S. and Irene Ratajczak. Kellie, her husband E.J. and mother now own the place (Kellie’s father, John J., died in 2016); mom makes the hamburger patties.
Kellie said she started working in the adjoining store at 14 and her only other job was once
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| Kellie at work |
The current building dates to the ‘50s and is well preserved, with Formica tables and a paint color reminiscent of old school walls. A well-used upright piano underneath the TV now gets played maybe just at Christmas.
For those of us old enough, the whole place is a visit back to childhood. “Nothing changes too much,” Kellie says. “We don’t like to make changes.”
Besides farmers and other people in the area, John’s gets customers heading north or south on M-15, avoiding I-75.
Such folks usually are driving vehicles. But David Bonior, a longtime member of Congress, wrote years back about being “overjoyed” (his word) to come across John’s Bar while on a grueling three-week summer hike from Mt. Clemens to Mackinaw City with his wife, Judy.
“It is your quintessential clean, friendly country tavern,” Bonior said in his 2001 book, “Walking to Mackinac,” which recounts the journey in sweaty detail. Cold drinks and a warm welcome at John’s -- “We feel as if we are in someone’s home rather than a bar.” -- refreshed the couple on a hot day enough to push on toward a comfortable night in Bay City.
But back to those hamburgers.
John’s claims to have the “best hamburger north of Detroit” (as noted on its regular menus, which are sidelined during coronavirus restrictions in favor of paper ones). The best of anything
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| A burger on wax paper. |
This is not what you’d consider an upscale bar, and sandwiches come simply wrapped in wax paper. There are no fries -- notable because nearby Munger is best known for its annual potato festival -- but assorted bagged chips (and related things, like popcorn and pork rinds) are on a rack. (John’s, at M-15 and Munger Road in Merritt Township, is actually down the road from the village of Munger, but you can easily think of it as being in Greater Munger or maybe Munger Heights.)
A basic burger is only $4.75. Versions are available with bacon, olives, mushrooms and cheese. Prices top out at $6.75 for a double cheese. A Nathan Melt (a grilled cheese with a burger patty) is $6.
A basic steak sandwich is $6, with variations up to the Big O (with cheese, mushrooms, ham, egg, pickles, onions and jalapeno) at $8.75. (Sorry, we’re not going near that one.) A fried egg sandwich is $3.50. Pizza, soup and chili also are available.
Drink selections are more basic; this isn’t a place to find the latest strange craft beer. Two beers -- Bud Light ($1.50) and Killian’s -- are on draft, with assorted bottles of domestics. Happy hour is 2-6 p.m. Tuesdays, with drinks half price.
We tried our routine request for a Manhattan. Nope.
“You’re in Munger, for God’s sake!” Kellie said. We happily settled instead for a glass of cheap whiskey and water ($2.75).
John’s Bar also has a shrine of sorts on the wall for Munger’s favorite son, Jerry Lynch -- an outfielder and a noted pinch hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates and Cincinnati Reds from 1954 to 1966. Lynch died in 2012.
The men’s room is clean, with Formica and tiled walls still looking like they were built in the
1950s. The only oddity is an electric plug on the wall next to the urinal. We should have asked what it’s for, but maybe it’s better not knowing.
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| Yes, John's closes at 6 on Sundays. |
Actually, that’s the oddity once you get in. The door to the women’s room is the one with the Allis-Chalmers sign. The men’s room has a John Deere logo. (Kellie suggests just thinking of Alice and John. If you can’t figure it out from there, you might be too drunk to drive.)
John’s Bar is currently open 10 a.m.to 10 p.m. Monday-Saturday and noon to 6 p.m. Sunday (closing promptly at 6 p.m., a sign says). Yes, they take credit cards.
State lottery offerings are the only games. In 2018, a guy won more than $154,000 there, so we were inspired to try a couple of 50-cent pull tabs. We won $1, breaking even.
By the way, if a burger or two from John’s does result in a baby, you might consider naming the kid for the bar. We hope it’s a boy, but it’s your call.
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See Doc’s report: Looking for the johns at John’s? You'll need a tractor
The particulars:
John’s Bar
1476 S. Tuscola Road
989-659-2951
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